WILL YOU LEAD ME, MA?

27 July 1991

Was supposed to have left for Bombay, but due to heavy rains and cancellation of trains had to return to the Mandir.

During the evening Satsang, Ma asked me to sing. I sang " Sham piya mori rang de chunariya, bina rangaaye main to ghar ko na jaaoongi." In this bhajan, the devotee implores the Lord, to colour one in His own colour, ie. To make one a true devotee. The devotee continues that she will not go home until the Lord accedes to her request.

After my bhajan, Ma sang: "Giridhar Naagar aajaa, Brij-raaja, khelan ham-sang holi, Meera ke Prabhu-aa,  khelan aankh mein cholee, Meera ke Prabhu aa."

Here, the devotee beseeches the Lord to come and play, holi and hide-and-seek with her.

It seemed like Ma's song was a continuation to mine.

I went up to Ma and told her in her ear: "Will you lead me Ma, will you lead me to Him….Or will you lead me to someone who will lead me to Him?"

Ma said: "I promise… we will go hand in hand. Ghantee bajegee aur hum saath chalengey (The bell will ring and we will go together) "I don't know why, but I have said it, we are mother and daughter, two sisters together, I will hold your hand and we will go together."

Then she cried: "I have only loved the Lord….I told Him I will be your slave, (with an impish smile, she continued), I will also be holy (for His sake)". Then she said "I can't help loving Him"

Ma continued, that since 1949, meditation had been part of her breath. Once someone left, and because she was disturbed it stopped. That made her unhappy.

Some disciples asked Ma, why she did not ask the Lord to get rid of her illness.

Ma re-iterated "Doesn't He know?"

Ma had surrendered and her joy could not be expressed. But such things she said, should not be talked about, otherwise they would stop. Dadaji had not believed in 'hush hush' yet about his own experiences, he would not talk much.  Ma mischievously added that Dadaji was very 'chalaak' (smart).

Ma said "During meditation, people think of material things, but I cannot stop remembering Him"(meaning God).

Ma said to me: "God bless you, Thakur bless you. We need each other.

Ma was in 'Bhaav Samaadhi' and during those times, she used to be partly on another plane.

A DISCOURSE ON THE RAMAYAN

1/May/1991

The discourse that Ma gave this evening was based on the Ramayana. 

After Sri Ram had been banished to the forest, his brother Bharat followed him there to coax him to return to Ayodhya as the rightful heir to the throne. However, there was a problem. If Sri Ram returned to Ayodhya, his father Dashrath could not fulfill the promise which he had  given to his wife Kaikeyi; If Bharat remained in the forest and Laxman returned, it  would not be agreeable to the latter, and again would not appease Kaikeyi's demand. Finally, the problem was solved by Bharat saying to Sri Ram: "The solution lies in me, making thy will, mine!"

Ma added: "The best way to pray, is to say to the Lord: "Let thy will be done, not mine!" Ma continued:  "Change difficulties into opportunities. Joy and sorrow will come, rise above both."

1/May/1991

Later during the evening, we went upstairs, to offer our pranaams.

I asked her: "When will you call me?"

She said: "Soon, or I will come to Bombay."

I said: "Ma, you once said that we were connected in our last 'janam'.

She said: "Yes, very close."

I asked her: "Will you tell me how?"

She said, "Yes, when the time comes" and then added, "it is such a joy to see you".

I put her hands close to my eyes, and felt blessed.

I told her to look after me and mine, and added "Looks like I am dealing better with my attachments."

She said: "Yes, they (attachments) are loosened.

I said: "Look after me, bless me".

She said: "God bless us both"

21 NOV 1991

I told Ma: "I have been meditating for so many years….so much is happening outside (meaning, I lecture, sing, write books etc), But nothing is happening inside".

Ma said: "Since the last 2 years that I have known you, there is a great change, so speak about something else".

When I told Ma that my daughter Anuja had prayed for her health, Ma said that that was why, she was probably better".

About Anuja's studies, she said: "Anuja is an intelligent girl, she will do well." (Anuja has subsequently done very well in her studies)

I told Ma: " I feel so guilty talking about petty things when you are going through so much!"

Ma said: "You see my Body pains, but you do not see the Bliss I enjoy and the Grace".

21 Nov 1991

Ma had been unwell, so went to visit her. I told my daughter Anuja: 

"Ma prayed for you when you were unwell, now you pray for her." When my husband heard me saying that, he admonished: "What are you doing here, you should go and visit her."

When I told Ma about this, She asked me to thank my husband for allowing me to come and visit. Ma said: "Love always triumphs."

KHANDALA
AMRIT VELA AASHRAM
PRAN PRATISHTA

Went to Khandaala. Ma was doing the Pran-pratishta  (A ritual whereby a priest generally infuses Life into the idols by means of mantras)

Ma said: "If you believe that the Stone is God, He will be there, because He is everywhere".

About 'Pran Pratishta' I asked Ma: "Is'nt 'pran pratishta' infusing love?"

Ma answered me in the affirmative.

I told Ma about my own experience:

I had gone to Udaipur and from there to Chittor where my main aim was to pay obeisance in Meera's (One of the great devotees of Lord Krishna) temple.

At Chittor garh, I kept imploring the guide to show me the temple first as I was afraid that it might close at noon. The tourist guide kept re-assuring me that the temple never closes.

When we reached the temple, it was closed!!! I was almost in tears! I mentally cried out to Krishna. I said to Him, "I refuse to believe that my desire to see the temple was not straight from my heart, so why are You playing with my emotions!

The guide felt  sorry for me, he tried to make me feel better, by telling me that the real Idol was not in this temple but in Udaipur Palace in the Queen's private collection!

Needless to say, that bit of information did not make me feel an iota better. After all it was a long drive to Udaipur and from thence we were driving off for Ahmedabad the following morning.

To top it all, the queen was NOT my personal friend, so how would I get access to her private collection to see Meera's Giridhar!!!

It seemed an impossibility!  But Ma believes that miracles do still happen, and it did for me. I somehow got to see Meera's Giridhar, and I even got flowers that had touched His feet. The priest gave it to me claiming that he did not know why he was so doing.

I strewed the petals of Krishna into my 200 page Bhajan Book. (The note book that contained my favourite hymns, prayer songs).

When later I opened my note book, wonder of wonders!! Most of the petals had fallen into the three songs penned by Meera!

It was like Krishna had assured me that He was indeed  Meera's Giridhar, Her Beloved Krishna.

When I completed my narration, Ma said: "That happened to re-assure you!"

25 April 1990

Ma  hugged  and kissed me and said: "I often think of you".

I felt naughty, so I said: "I have a photograph of you on my bed-side, maybe that is why you think of me", to which she replied that she would think of me, even if I had no photograph of hers.

Ma then told us how once while meditating she had entered a dream that Dadaji was experiencing at that time.

Ma spoke of Krishna with a naturalness that only comes natural with great love.

Ma said: "Krishna is not a gentleman. He does not treat you the way you want…You have to dance to His flute…You want something, you do the 'Hanuman Chalisa' or 'Shivji prayers'…"

Then she added: "I have seen Him…so exquisite, with a Blue Lotus in His Hands…"