A Discussion initiated by WMPP
Times of India Building
Random Points discussed.
institution of marriage under threat? What can be done?
may or may not reach any conclusions, but we should go home more enlightened on
the subject than when we came to the session.
What are the reasons that are contributing to instability of marriage in this
concept of marriage is going through change - and change is the prime
is an old institution which is losing its basic values.
much money, so bad habits. Too little money, so both partners must work, which
leads to friction, jealousy, ego problems.
Disparity in status
Reasons for break-ups
Imposition of views on young people- both married and
Impatience with mistakes made by the younger generation
Refusal to let go
What are the solutions?
first solution to all problems is: Effective Communication:
more talk less
I Would feel better if....rather than 'it is your fault’
not communicate when angry.
at the plus points in your marriage
do not have to agree on everything...you can love intensely despite...
must allow each other to grow
your mind clearly and gently
not ask 'How was your day?' ask specific Qs.
'men come from Mars and Women from Venus. We may not be able to understand each
other fully, but we can still love.
the difference and complement one another.
great marriage is not when the perfect couple comes together. It is when an
imperfect couple learns to enjoy the differences'
thinks we could connect Marriages with Gems of all faiths on the above point. To
celebrate differences. We do not imply that Religions are imperfect, only that
the source of the backgrounds are different.
children should not be pressured into getting married.
need to get educated on the changing patterns of life.
study. Girls/ Boys are returning to their sweethearts after being married for a
on Marriage by Khalil Gibran
approach to the topic
should avoid the use of " extreme" words like perfect and imperfect,
differences and similarities - the underlying truth could be: every person is
unique. he/she conforms or differs based on her/his own perspective of life.
is important to use the words "wisdom" and "compassion"
together when talking about the role of a woman in a relationship
I think it is important to have the perception and
realities of marriage in right perspective.
One must have the maturity to handle and accept change and
different circumstances (that disintegrate a marriage) gracefully.
Expectations have to be looked at realistically.
One should not forget that family creates an environment
and space which facilitates growth.
That space is dynamic by nature accepting both positive and
The couple and
other members require understanding to make (marriage, life) successful.
has suggested that:
need to protect marriage
We should look at how marriage should serve us better.
I think there are some very happy marriages and there
are many spiritually enlightened couples who can talk
about their success story in a few words.
The institution of marriage is going through a transition.
It is inevitable. It will stabilize.
Qs from the floors
Diverse practices: legal side
Points to ponder
"Imagine life as a game in which you are juggling some
five balls in the air. You name them - work, family, health, friends and spirit
and you're keeping all of these in the air. You will soon understand
that work is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it will bounce back.
But the other four balls family, health, friends and spirit
- are made of glass. If you drop one of these, they will be irrevocably scuffed, marked, nicked, damaged or even shattered. They will never be the same.You must understand that and strive for balance in your life."
1. Don't undermine your worth by comparing yourself with others. It is because we are different that each of us is special.
2. Don't set your goals by what other people deem important. Only you know what is best for you.
3. Don't take for granted the things closest to your heart. Cling to them as you would to your life, for without them, life is
4. Don't let your life slip through your fingers by living in the past or for the future. By living your life one day at a time, you
live all the days of your life.
5. Don't give up when you still have something to give. Nothing is really over until the moment you stop trying.
6. Don't be afraid to admit that
you are less than perfect. It is this fragile thread that binds us to each other, together.
7. Don't be afraid to encounter risks. It is by taking chances that we learn how to be brave.
8. Don't shut love out of your life
by saying it's impossible to find time. The quickest way to receive love is to give; the fastest
way to lose love is to hold it too tightly; and the best way to keep love is to give it wings.
9. Don't run through life so fast that you forget not only where you've been, but also where you are going.
10. Don't forget, a person's
greatest emotional need is to feel appreciated.
11. Don't be afraid to learn. Knowledge is weightless, a treasure you can always carry easily.
12. Don't use time or words carelessly. Neither can be retrieved.
Life is not a race, but a journey to be savored each step of the way.
Yesterday is History, Tomorrow is a Mystery and Today is a
That's why we call it "The Present."
I Miss You Daddy
Sons love is worth more than $20 per Hour.
A man came home from work late, tired and irritated, to find his 5-year old
on waiting for him at the door.
"Daddy, may I ask you a question?"
"Yes sure, what is it?"
"Daddy, how much do you make an hour?"
"That's none of your business. Why do you ask such a thing?" the man
"I just want to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an hour?"
the little boy.
"If you must know, I make $20 an hour."
"Oh," the little boy replied, with his head down. Looking up, he said,
"Daddy, may please borrow $10?"
1)We are saying that family is the backbone of
civilization hence marriage is important.
So to make a marriage work everybody has to
2)In india we see that people especially women sacrifice too much to uphold this institution so there must be a
community/government involvement also to make life
easier in marriage for women.
3) The first step like
you said is is pre marital counselling but also sensitizing seniors in the family, government policy
makers, religious leaders, teachers and lawyers and doctors.
How do we do it? When the panel discussion takes place we can ask different team
leaders (doctors, lawyers etc) for suggestions and plans.
Marriage is supposed to provide a safe place for two individual adults to become better human beings so is
the institution doing all this for the two individuals.
Example: When two people marry of their own choice, parents will be so angry that they refuse to help the
girl or boy with the process. can aspects like this be looked at.
In Hinduism, we say the soul goes through three tortures. one is at birth, second is in the first
year of marriage and third is during death.
The first year of marriage is the worst ever for most couples so we can keep that in mind during the
discussion. I hope my language is not too flowery(cynical/realistic) this time.
If the ability to carry on
doing the right things that one wants to do is strengthened, then everything
else falls into place. even a stormy marriage can survive if there is mutual
appreciation for the good things being done.|
in addition a consciously
developed rational perspective would be the best arbiter.|
Last word! a woman MUST be firm and aggressive where needed. In short, she
MUST put her foot down about unreasonable behaviour, in whatever form and
manner, in whatever situation.
Another suggested title for the discussion: Marriage: Rock or Wreck?
........a discussion based on contemporary
experiences and perceptions of an age-old institution
I would like to
share a thought with you about your article on marriage. The only thing you
missed out in your reasons for failed marriages is that society is becoming
dependant on the 'quick fix' We become hungry- we get fast-food, it does'nt
matter that its bad for us. We get a headache- we take a pill, we don't want to
know the underlying cause of our pain. We struggle in our relationship- we get a
new one. This is what the modern world has become- there isn't any patience Just
like to say that I loved your write-up of Sai Baba as I travelled to Shirdi
earlier this year. Please keep up the 'good' work
A Reader wrote to me:
HI. I came across the following words in a wedding invitation.(MARRIGES ARE
CREATED IN HEAVEN, BUT CELEBRATED ON EARTH. IT IS THE UNITY OF TWO UNKNOW SOULS
WRITTEN RIGHT FROM BIRTH.) What are your thoughts about it.
It is true that Marriages are created in Heaven. It is also true that
sometimes partners are difficult and the reason is karmic.
They are together to learn some of the most difficult lessons that we are
meant to learn...